*Boyfriend Footnote*

I am coolness personified... Is something I wish I could say about myself when thinking about our new baby hopes. I'm very confused about how to approach this situation and I think my behaviour has portrayed this. I've been as emotional and short as the hormonal mother-to-be. Let's just say I've not wanted to talk too much about the situation or anything beyond what we're having for dinner.

I'm trying to tell myself not to get carried away this time. Don't plan too far ahead -Think now: tearful girlfriend, angry girlfriend, restless sleeping girlfriend, flatulant girlfriend and paranoid girlfriend. Oh I cannot wait for the future to unfold.

In all seriousness I think we're both approaching this journey with a lot more caution -me more so. Partly I think because I don't want to get Sarah's hopes up. She can get carried away like a 5 year old princess at Christmas over the smallest of good news. (NB. This is definitely one of her finer qualities. Definitely! :-/)

I'm sure this foetus will be all good but I'm in one of those 'if you think the worst then you'll never be disappointed' stages. Wow, that sounds negative and sad but it's kind of working. I think mostly I've lowered my aspiration level from the last pregnancy. Instead of being excited about the birth, the baby meeting our families etc. Now my excitement rests with the 12 week healthy nod, although I'm not deluded about how definite this is.

It's been a whole new situation from last time. For a start, Sarah didn't sheepishly tell me this time hoping I wouldn't hate her. She phoned and phoned and phoned while I was filming an interview with a head of a church/prophet. Worried there was a big problem I answered in front of everyone, still holding a recording camera, she told me the news to which I had to calmly (although heart racing and temperature up) say 'Ok, ok, lovely .'

Since this initial explosion of joy I've been avoiding considering it totally real, although I have let my guard slip. I've been persuaded to touch Sarah's belly and talk baby names when my guard was down. Apparently Sarah still doesn't like the names Carlos or Cat-Pee McGee. Much to my disappointment.

Now that we've had a more planned conception this time i do feel more ready for this to work so it bloody better do. Do you hear me Cat-Pee?

Until further medical news my outward emotions are going to have to read just 'Ok, lovely' but my inside isn't really taking heed.

Speak soon,

Cautious Andy x

7 Deadly Pregnancy Sins...

.... I reckon I'll be covering them all over the next few months, EASY. First on the menu? Wrath. I feel like I could KILL. It's horrible. Or more to the point, I am horrible.
About the only person not doing my head in is Andy which is a blessing since he's the only person that I've really seen this week: I'm trying to lay low and stay out of everyone's way plus seeing Cawood without her customary Pinot Grigio is bound to raise eyebrows.
So yes, let's tick "Mood Swings" off the list of symptoms I am experiencing shall we? It's not been helped this week by getting a parking ticket and running out of money:(. Surely there must be a gap in the market for some kind of pregnancy punchbag? (NOT the Baby Daddy ladies, no matter how tempting!).

Oh and the other deeply UNFUN thing that's been happening the last couple of days is that I keep getting cramps. No bleeding with it thank goodness or I'd be off to see my GOOD friends at The Whittington Hospital A&E but bad enough to wake me up last night along with my full bladder and keep me awake worrying about history repeating. So I'm knackered now too. I am a DELIGHT to be around. A DELIGHT!

I keep having to remind myself how lucky I am to have found it quite easy to get pregnant. MANY women aren't so lucky: women I know and love. So I have decided that I will take a little time out tonight. Phone off the hook. Bath, telly, early night. And hopefully tomorrow Wrathful Sarah will be gone and Barefoot and Pregnant Sarah can get on with the serious business of making cupcakes: wish me luck.
Sx

The Thin Pink Line....

.....or rather, 2 thin pink lines:-).
I was starting to get quite worried. I was starting to think that maybe this was going to be one more thing that I would struggle to do. Planning a pregnancy is actually no fun at all. You'd think that shagging morning, noon and night would be delightful but you have to be careful that sex doesn't just become another thing to tick off the "to do" list.
In the past 5 months I have probably not been as much fun as the carefree woman that Andy met last July. It's odd to spend 20 odd years being grateful for your period arriving every month to then dreading it's arrival and (as poor Andy found out) the accompanying tears.
I'm not sure what we did differently this cycle that we weren't doing before. The only thing that I did was get some acupuncture. I figured that even if it didn't actually do anything to help us conceive, the placebo effect would perhaps mean that I would relax a bit more and not turn into THAT woman: you know the one, we all do, the one that is utterly OBSESSED with getting knocked up. And the harder she tries, the more it evades her. Law of sod. Right there.
Anyway, we are thrilled. Quietly so. It's difficult to get really excited after what we went through last time. There is just a natural caution that is here with us on this journey. It means we are not hanging out the flags just yet, and that we are taking this pregnancy a day at a time. I am in my 5th week. I have booked go see my doctor on Monday and I have booked an early scan for when we return from our summer holiday at the end of August so we hope and pray that this Tiny Guest will quite like it in there and decide to hang out for another 36 or so weeks:-).
After I had my miscarriage back in February I asked my Dad (formerly a surgeon) if there was anything I may have done at Christmas that led to me losing the baby. Did I drink too much? Did I take too many flu drugs when I had swine flu? Did I over exercise and let my core temperature get too high? I guess I just really needed a reason. Sometimes there simply isn't one:(. Although my Dad did say that having the flu may have contributed as having a high temperature in early pregnancy can be dangerous. I choose to believe that this was the case because there was nothing I could do about getting flu: it was beyond my control. Sometimes we just need a reason, right?
So we are keeping it very quiet. We have told our immediate families and I have told 2 of my closest friends because I needed to share with a girl. Girls, you understand that right?
This time feels different for so many other reasons too. My hormones are OFF THE SCALE. I either feel hateful or woeful and there seems to be no in between. Lucky Andy.
My boobs are KILLING me, all I want to do is hold them but I'm finding that I get funny looks when I do that on the tube;) oh and they're MASSIVE. I think I must be a DD cup now. I'm guessing we should both enjoy them while they look so fulsome and fabulous because in about a years time they will look like New Years Eve's balloons on Twelfth Night:(.
Oh and my sex drive has DIED. Thanks Mother Nature. Now that you've done your job you're spoiling the fun for us all, right? Charming. I am assured it will be back back back! I'm hoping so for poor Andy's sake. Poor bugger. He's been amazing. He is amazing. I can't wait to see our baby in his arms. Our due date is around the end of March. Please no April Fools baby, please! That would be the ultimate April Fool, non?;)
So here we are again. Keeping everything crossed that this time all will go according to plan. Ready to face whatever challenges are thrown at us. Ready to try our hands at parenthood. Help! Where's The Manual????
Sx