I am coolness personified... Is something I wish I could say about myself when thinking about our new baby hopes. I'm very confused about how to approach this situation and I think my behaviour has portrayed this. I've been as emotional and short as the hormonal mother-to-be. Let's just say I've not wanted to talk too much about the situation or anything beyond what we're having for dinner.
I'm trying to tell myself not to get carried away this time. Don't plan too far ahead -Think now: tearful girlfriend, angry girlfriend, restless sleeping girlfriend, flatulant girlfriend and paranoid girlfriend. Oh I cannot wait for the future to unfold.
In all seriousness I think we're both approaching this journey with a lot more caution -me more so. Partly I think because I don't want to get Sarah's hopes up. She can get carried away like a 5 year old princess at Christmas over the smallest of good news. (NB. This is definitely one of her finer qualities. Definitely! :-/)
I'm sure this foetus will be all good but I'm in one of those 'if you think the worst then you'll never be disappointed' stages. Wow, that sounds negative and sad but it's kind of working. I think mostly I've lowered my aspiration level from the last pregnancy. Instead of being excited about the birth, the baby meeting our families etc. Now my excitement rests with the 12 week healthy nod, although I'm not deluded about how definite this is.
It's been a whole new situation from last time. For a start, Sarah didn't sheepishly tell me this time hoping I wouldn't hate her. She phoned and phoned and phoned while I was filming an interview with a head of a church/prophet. Worried there was a big problem I answered in front of everyone, still holding a recording camera, she told me the news to which I had to calmly (although heart racing and temperature up) say 'Ok, ok, lovely .'
Since this initial explosion of joy I've been avoiding considering it totally real, although I have let my guard slip. I've been persuaded to touch Sarah's belly and talk baby names when my guard was down. Apparently Sarah still doesn't like the names Carlos or Cat-Pee McGee. Much to my disappointment.
Now that we've had a more planned conception this time i do feel more ready for this to work so it bloody better do. Do you hear me Cat-Pee?
Until further medical news my outward emotions are going to have to read just 'Ok, lovely' but my inside isn't really taking heed.
Cautious Andy x