I fell down some stairs today:-/. In Boots on Oxford St... I'm amazed I didn't break a leg but I escaped with cuts and bruises. I saved myself from falling on my tummy as far as I can remember but it was a BIG fall and I feel panic stricken nonetheless. Can a big jolt hurt a foetus?
I am trying to find out how I can get seen to check that the Tiny Guest is OK and I'm being fobbed off. They're saying it's still early in my pregnancy and I have to go to A&E. I'm 16 FUCKING weeks. 4 FUCKING months. That's nearly halfway. (please excuse the language but I am upset, and I am FURIOUS)
If I go to A&E after hours, which it will be by the time I get there on the bus, all the sonographers will have buggered off home and I'll be left with the same predicament that I had when I had the miscarriage. I am scared, angry and upset. I have a sprained ankle, a bruised and cut up shin and (against my better judgement) I tried to find a heartbeat using a doppler that a friend has lent us and I could find nothing, not a pin drop:(.
I've had assurances from my friends and family that the Tiny Guest is more resilient than we think and probably just thought I had taken him/her on it's first rollarcoaster ride. I hope that's true.
What has frustrated and upset me about trying to gather some assurances from the professionals is the ease with which one is passed from pillar to bloody post. My experiences so far of NHS maternity care have been nothing but positive but today I feel let down and concerned. I've been reading far too much about our understaffed and underfunded midwives: 75% of NHS compensation pay outs are as a result of incidents that happened to women giving birth. That's a frightening statistic anyway but to a pregnant woman in the NHS system, its positively terrifying.
I'm still bristling that apparently my 16 week old pregnancy is so inconsequential that I'm not even looked after by my midwifery team outside of the check ups I have booked in.
Too many patients, not enough time, not enough money. NOT. GOOD. ENOUGH.
So I will spend the next few days quietly stressing myself half to death which is no good for any of us.
I wish I could feel the little bugger start moving so I know that it's OK:(.